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swimsuit song

from \\ S O F T W I N G S // by Annie Hex

/

lyrics

I was the withering flower. now, I am the water.
I was the withering flower. now, I am the water.
I was the withering flower in my black witch hat.
now, I am the water.

And he took me by the water in sunset falls, washington.
And he took me by the water.

I was wearing my marilyn monroe swimsuit and I laid on a rock like I was a fucking mermaid.
I felt beautiful- ain’t that the truth?
And I lowered the bathing suit a little and
my tits were out.
I felt really beautiful because the water was sparkling 
 like my heart was sparkling.

And I thought this guy was my everything because he was the first guy I had sex with in a tent.
And it was everything because the stars were like crystals and I was like here for it.

&

I was ready and I was unafraid.
I was unashamed and I was unafraid.
I was unashamed and I was unafraid.

I’m laying on this rock like I am a mermaid who lost her top and this family in a station wagon pulls across the bridge and they’re sightseeing and boy, did they see something because they saw me topless that day.

And I didn’t know what to do except stay there and pretend I wasn’t there. But I was because there is something about me, you know?
you always know when I’m here. I’m not so easily hidden.
You know when I’m in a room. You know when I’m there.
You know when I am thinking about you because obviously, you text me when I am thinking about you and I am often thinking about you. I am thinking about all of you, all of you, everything I’ve seen of you.

I am unafraid and I am unashamed. We all get naked sometimes.
And in my poetry, I feel the most naked. I feel alive.

I’m alive.
still here, survivor,
coming through everything I am trying to hide.

Don’t always need to be hidden.
Don’t always need to be afraid.
Don’t always need to use flowery language.
Don’t always need to cover up.

This is my body: pubic hair, stretch marks and all.
This is my body: greasy hair.
Body: armpit hair.
Body: deodorant. body.

I’m not going to cover myself up because I am afraid that I’ll be too much because
I was born too much. I am always here too much.

And with the right people, maybe, that’ll be enough.
with the right people, maybe, that’ll be enough.
maybe with the right people, that’ll be enough.
maybe one day i’ll be enough.
I’ll see that I am enough.

Maybe I will not be ashamed of the times I was the withering flower.

Maybe I’ll revive said flower of my past, said flower.
Give it water because it’s thirsty and it’s dying
with all the flowers I did not water at my bedside.

They say keep weapons at your bedside. They say keep weapons at your bedside.
Keep a knife under your bed. Keep a knife under your bed.

And why am I always feeling like I have to fight something off or I need to run?
That I just can’t sit here and belong. Always have to run.

Like I’m some big star, heading to the next town, heading to the next waffle house, heading back to cleveland, ohio where that poet kissed me in the morning
where that poet kissed me in the morning and made me coffee.
that poet that I never talked to again, except maybe in poems, in telekinetic poems.
maybe in the times I think about passing lake erie
think about passing it so gently on my way to new york city.

Unafraid and open.
Unashamed and open.

I was the withering flower.
I was the withering flower.
I was the withering flower.

now, I am the water.

credits

from \\ S O F T W I N G S //, released July 29, 2017

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Annie Hex Chicago, Illinois

improvisational spoken word poet
creating work that is sparkly & biting, leaving it in unexpected places across america.

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